One of those anonymous, mail-around things but still laser-like in its accuracy

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.....

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and the Clintons.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad
guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money!

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health
care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's & Insurance Companies have the
best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense,
but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die
is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The Bush/Cheney Government is the exception to the limits of the
constitution and has the right to conduct warrant less wire taps to keep
track of their political opposition and dissenters.

George Bush is the decider as to which parts of the Constitution he will
honor and which he will disregard.

A dictatorship is only good if it is run by George W. Bush

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

You support states' rights, but the Attorney General can tell states what
local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.